picture taken 2012: Sagrada Família Basílica in Barcelona
(article 2013; during a year of difficult stress)
A conversation with the Holy Spirit
a servant: O Lord, i hate all that is within my flesh.
Spirit: That is good; but why?
a servant: i hate what i have become.
S: Though you were born into a world of sin; why do you hate what you have become?
a servant: Because sin and sorrow surrounds my sick soul.
S: Nice alliteration, but why is that so?
a servant: Because, though i love Him and believe all of His word, i find myself far from Christ.
S: Why do you say this?
a servant: Because the things of this world consume me.
S: And you love the things of this world?
a servant: Though temporary they give my flesh good, and at times, even great pleasure, truly i tell you my soul and spirit hates the wickedness and injustice in the world.
S: So, what moved you to this place?
a servant: The church and weak flesh and chaotic spirit.
S: In what way?
a servant: The church rejected Christ within me, even when i was most pure; they quenched the your Spirit within me and told me… (left out from original)
Spirit: Though that grieves Me; why did you move from God?
a servant: Because the weight of the world; the unjust usury of the banks when i was in great debt of $ 70,000 of credit cards alone, which i accumulated while tithing and giving sacrificially, and when like certain TV Christian personalities I could have gone bankrupt, You called me while on my face in Mexico – early one morning during the time we were building a wash house for the poor – which also became controlled by the lords of the American church over the loved of the Mexican poor. And You told me to sell my investment property and pay off my signed debts, even to my own hurt. So i did, and with much pain.
And then, when i could have been rescued by close ones; the church rejected me and after i walked… (left out from original). And i watched a brother die, who may have lived. i see wickedness and greed in my country. The leaders and the priest murder by consent. They love the world and bow to the rich lords and rich merchants of the earth and those that bribe them. They forget the will and judgment of Him who is LORD of lords, and KING of kings, who is Almighty, and who accepts no bribes – who calls for justice for the poor and the orphans; but shall bring down the wicked into the pit of destruction.
My… (left out from original); my children… my wife… my life… What i should say, i rarely do. All that I want is to do some significant work for my Lord, then die. And most of the time, i only cry for death, if it would bring me to eternal life. i feel great pressure on my heart even now– physical and spiritual – but i fear i do not want what this death will bring me in my current state.
S: Though all will be judged for their actions, according to their works; you understand that unforgiveness and bitterness leads hundreds of millions to hell and that you are grown, and have been blessed enormously compared to the great majority – no i say – compared to nine out of ten souls that are on this earth – you have a wife, great and faithful children, your debts shall soon be gone (added: soon is relative to the eternal Spirit – 10-15 years), you have friends willing to love you , and relatives that surround you, you have been given many talents, and though the Lord has every right to give you your wish – death – but followed by pain and suffering and hell, He has neither withheld those talents, nor plagued your mind or body, nor withheld His mighty right hand from you.
a servant: He is – I AM; and i am His. That is what response can i give to my Creator?
Spirit: The response of worship and repentance.
a servant: You know i bow often before the Lord; even before all the congregation of the church – even when no other protestant bows with me. And still protest against injustice – even when few other Protestants remember how to protest. i know i need to reject the things of the world, but i beg You – do not make me walk with brothers who will not walk equally with me.
S: You will walk and service those who the Lord requires you too – or you shall receive the reaping of what you choose to sow.
a servant: Then you must give me great discernment; and move me – when my wicked flesh is weak. And Lord – i beg you, forgive me of my trespasses and i beg you equally – deliver me from the Evil one – that wicked Serpent who entangles and constricts those that dwell in this present darkness.
S: Now stand as you did.
a servant: i once (added: 1986-1987) stood in the congregation several times with hands lifted high – when only one other among a thousand did so. Then i found that he lived at the Salvation Army and i questioned my boldness and sanity.
S: The Lord loved that you, while seeking a doctorate, knew that there is but One great Doctor, One great Teacher – One true Lord and King.
a servant: Though i will not and have not, since He saved me, deny Him; and though i am willing to die for Him – whether in service or during the great tribulation with the millions of Christian who shall receive great rewards, i fear i cannot live for Him as i should.
Spirit: Do you care for the answer?
a servant: You well know that You have already and often giving me that answer; which of course is answered by the Word of God. Because i fear the judgments of man on earth at times, more than that of God in heaven. But Spirit tell me, you know i fear not death, and will confess Christ Jesus without fearing any man – why can i not simply stand again for Him – regardless of those that surround me.
S: What does the Lord require of you?
a servant: i shall fear the Lord, and walk in His ways, and love Him, and service Him with my whole heart, mind and body, and obey His commands.
S: So what is the conclusion of the matter?
a servant: That i must fear God and keep His commandments.
S: There you have and know your answer; it lies within abiding in Christ with total surrender.
a servant: Impossible! i am doomed – i will believe, i will confess His name, i will do much of His will, i will love my neighbor and give to the poor – but you know i cannot forsake all that is within the world – there is too much sway.
Spirit: What is impossible for man alone is not impossible with the aid of God. Nevertheless, you are not excused, for you know God: “The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but by no means clearing the guilty (that do not repent and remain in their guilt as Ezekiel well stated by My Spirit – Ezekiel 18), visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s children to the third and the fourth generation (Exo. 34:6-7).”
You have been shown much compassion and given much mercy and grace, and given more time and explanation than a great many receive. Enough, be silent; and incline your heart to God, and choose for yourself this day whom you will serve. How much longer will you waver between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow Him; but if the world is your god, follow it.